Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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