on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize