My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
