I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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