life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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