dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
