Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
