The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
