Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
she looked like the before picture.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
