Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
