I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
