Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
