He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
