I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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