Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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