Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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