yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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