Jerry, you need to find god
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
