she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
