Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Randomize
