I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
