Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
