I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
