It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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