Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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