Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
