I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
