I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
