never play flip cup with pint glasses
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
