As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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