she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
