why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
