He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
