ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize