got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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