Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
My liver is preforming stress tests.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
