And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
