I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
