Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize