; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
