After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
no you cant smoke seaweed
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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