and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
