he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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