we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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