I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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