whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
