im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
