my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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