Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
As shirtless as possible
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
