Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
