Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
