why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
