Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
