It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
