remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Say something about gay babies.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
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