we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
