some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Congratulations! We have a period
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