Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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