Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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