i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
