Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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