my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
