I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
