you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
