i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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