Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
don't judge my taste in strippers
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
