go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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