why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
