I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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