Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Randomize
