i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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