u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
